New Sitcom? - by guest Blogger Linda

The following post is from my good friend Linda.

The name of the program will be 2403. Its about a 'normal' family with abnormal events and situations. I think it will be a big hit!

Today's episode starts out with the female lead, let's call her Linda, rising to start her day. It's 4:00 am, its cold, should she hit the snooze?? Nah, she has to pee, might as well get up.

Feed the cats, take a shower...dry hair. Re-enter bedroom. Linda bitches a moment at her dog, Mack. He has been farting all night and the bedroom stinks. Linda pauses to spray some linen spray in the direction of the dog.

She gets dressed, turns off the tv and begins her exit. She pauses at the door, makes a comment to the dog and proceeds. No, wait...Mack is unusually unresponsive. She goes back to the bed, calls his name. (He's kind of old and his hearing isn't the best). He doesn't wake up. She pokes his hind leg...no twitch...she takes his lips in her hand (yes he has lips, they are on the side..its commonly called a soft mouth for retrieving)and gives his head a shake. Nothing. Hmmmm? He doesn't look like he's breathing.

Female lead, Linda, starts getting a bit creeped out. She takes hold of the comforter and gives a tug. Mack does not move. Now she heads to the door, across the hall.

Linda stops outside her son's door and the scene continues as follows:

Linda: Doug!?
Doug: What?
Linda: I think the dog is dead in my bed.
Doug; What?
Linda: I think the damn dog is dead in my fucking bed!!!
Doug: Why are you telling me this? What do you want me to do about it?
Linda: I don't know, I don't know what to do about it.
Doug: (Opening his bedroom door) This isn't very funny, if you are kidding.
Linda - waving her arm back towards her bedroom: I'm not kidding..go look. I think he is dead.
Doug: I.am.NOT.looking. I am not looking at a dead dog, or any dead animal. I.AM.NOT.LOOKING.
Linda is now back in her room, looking for further signs of life and/or death. Enter from the living room, LaVarr, who was sleeping on the couch..
LaVarr: The dogs dead?
Linda: I think so, I don't know.
LaVarr enters the room, looking closely for signs of breathing...puts his ear to Mack's chest...feeling him with his palm.
LaVarr: Oh yes, he is dead, he is cold already.
Linda: (verge of hysteria) What in the world am I supposed to do with him?
Doug: How can he be dead? What happened?
Linda: I don't know. He was fine, he ate, he hasn't gotten sick. He was awake at 2:30 when I got up. What in the world am I going to do now?
LaVarr: You can call the Humane Society, they should pick him up. I can call them.

Liz comes downstairs bitching about all the loud voices: What the hell?
LaVarr: The dog is dead...on Binda's bed (Binda, a nickname)
Liz: Shocked laughter, you're kidding me.

Commercial break while Linda paces and rants a while.

All gather in the living room, where Linda gets the reality tv show idea. Lavarr tries to reach the Humane Society. No answer at 5 am of course. Doug asks a couple of times: Mom, aren't you upset, you don't seem upset? Linda replies: No, not upset right now...troubled, troubled that I have a dead animal on my bed and don't know what to do with it.

It's decided that Barr (nickname) and Doug will take Mack outside by the garage, for the time being. Linda wraps the comforter around Mack so that Doug (you may now refer to him as Pussboy) doesn't have to "see" the dead animal. She and LaVarr lift the dog off of the bed. Doug takes Linda's end and out they go..

Commercial break now.

We return from the commercial break:

Realizing that nothing can be done until at least 8, life goes on. Linda goes to work. At 8 am, she starts making phone calls, beginning with the Humane Society.
Linda: hello, I'd like some information please. My dog died this morning and I am not sure what to do with him.
Nice HS girl: Oh, I'm sorry. You can bring him here, we do a group cremation for 30.00. Or we offer an outside service that will do a lone cremation and will give you the ashes in a small urn.
Linda: Uh no thanks, no ashes. You mean I just throw him into my trunk and bring him over today? Thats a bit creepy.
HS: Well you could lay him in the back seat, or if he has a bed or carrier or something you could place him in that and we would return it to you.
Linda: He's not a small dog, I can't lift him. He's already rather stiff so I can't move him around to fit in anything like that...and no offense, I loved the guy but I don't really want to touch him much.
HS: Well then the trunk is fine and you don't need an appointment, you can just bring him over. We are open until 5:30.

Linda continues working, stopping to accept the condolences of her co-workers who are having an incredible hard time keeping a straight face...It IS rather humorous, in a sick sort of way. She decides to call Alec...the love of her life. He's the reason that she has the damn dog anyway, its all his fault. (If its an hour show we will do flashbacks)
Linda: Hey, its me.
Alex: What's up?
Linda; Mack died in my bed sometime this morning.
Alex: No way, Rinda (another nickname) I'm sorry. What happened.
Linda: I don't know. But since its your fault to begin with I thought I should call you.
ALex: I never knew the guy was going to do that...I told you.
BLAH BLAH BLAH
The conversation ends with him offering to pick the dog up, take him to the convalescent hospital that he heads maintenance for and bury him on their grounds. He also promised to not look at him, like Linda requests..

Thus ends the first episode.

Do we have a hit in the making or not?

Happy Birthday Audrey

Audrey is 4 years old today! I can't believe it's been four years since she was born! Happy Birthday darlin'!

Friday after Thanksgiving

I've always liked the Friday after Thanksgiving. Well, maybe not ALWAYS, but at the very least lately. Today happens to be one of those day-after-Thanksgiving when I have to go to the office, but I'm one of about 10 people that are here today - we normally have about 60 folks in the office on a given day.

Here are some things that are good about this day:

Going Shopping - You, along with half the country, can head out before daybreak in search of 50% off sales on Christmas presents. I did this 3 years ago, and got A LOT of toys for Audrey for very little $$. It's surreal to walk into a Sears at 6:00am. It's more surreal to do it with 2347978 other people. This year I'm very happy to NOT be out there in the rush. The sales are exactly the same ones that we will see all weekend long, and next weekend, and the weekend after that, and for Christmas Eve...

Going to the office - Nobody's there - if you are, not only are you a hero, but you get to choose from actually getting something done because no one is there to interrupt you, or doing not a whole lot of anything...because no one else is there.
Anybody want to venture a guess as to which route I am choosing? Betcha you're wrong!

Joey and Jo

Today is the second day in a row that I am stuck in bed with what I think is probably the flu. I'm miserable, mostly because I'm having a tough time breathing. The best I've been able to manage is a sort of panting/gasping every so often.

I've grown tired of seeing the same four preview spots on HGTV every 12 minutes, so I switched a little while ago over to VH1 Classic. I started to feel a little bit better.

From 9-10 it was "We are the 80's", followed now by and hour of "All Star Jams". These are the videos that I remember. Videos from back when MTV played videos. Videos from when I was in high school. So far, I've seen a couple of great ones, and some not so great ones too:

Scorpions - Winds of Change. I saw something about the Scorpions being on tour right now. I think we might have to find a way to pencil that one in.

Bob Seger - Night Moves. This song wasn't really a favorite of mine, but I never realized just how many actors got their start in music videos. Matt LeBlanc (Joey from Friends) and Daphne Zuniga (Jo, from Melrose Place) play a couple of teenagers at a drive-in in this one. I found an unofficial Bob Seger site that says that the video also included Natasha Gregson Wagner and some guy from Roseanne whose name rang no bells at all with me.

TLC - Aint too Proud to Beg. Huh? Three little kids doing some weird rap-type pop song while wearing day-glo colors. That's an All Star Jam?? Okay, after looking them up on Rolling Stone, apparenlty this was the genesis of the group that later gave us "No Scrubs". That song I remember. Oh, and the L in TCL is for Lisa Left-Eye Lopes who was killed in a car accident in Honduras in 2002.

Johnny Hates Jazz - Shattered Dreams. THIS is back to the 80's! The video is done in black and white, and weirdly, the outfits all look in style with today's fashion. Weird. I've got to check and see who directed this one. I have a feeling he or she is still in business today. Whoops - I retract that fashion comment - Johnny is now wearing a short-waisted, shoulder-padded sort of captain's jacket? In black and white it's not too bad.

INXS - Need You Tonight. LOVED this song. LOVED this band. Drove back 20 hours straight from Florida to see them in concert. It was the first and only rock concert that I have ever gone to all by myself. My friend Andy was part of the group in college that brought bands in to do concerts. I think it was called Startracks or something like that? Well, he got me a cheap single ticket and I watched the show with a bunch of strangers. It was a great show. The lead singer, Michael Hutchence of INXS later ended up killing himself. He was only 37 at the time he died. It's kind of creepy listening to him singing "I'm Lonely" over and over. Apparently he was.

'Til Tuesday - Voices Carry - Cool song. Isn't this the band that also did Take my Breath Away? You know, the song from the sex scene in Top Gun? Not long before we moved from California I was listening to the radio one morning and the lead singer from this group had become a DJ on one of the local stations. People were calling in telling her how much they loved her songs. Whoops, no, that was Berlin, with Terri Nunn now doing the radio gig. Sorry, wrong band. The lead singer from 'Til Tuesday was Aimee Mann. Duh. Hey, they shot this at Carnegie Hall? Cool. I lived across from there for a few months ya know! Now thy are showing the scene where were she stands up in the audience and starts singing "Oh God Can't You Keep it Down? Voices Carry!" Huh. They went literal on this video.

Madonna - Burning Up - What the hell? I do not remember this song at all. She's still wearing the leather wrist wraps and has the weird lace hair tie and all that. Oh, and great big black hoop earrings. I'm not surprised I don't remember this one. Hey, she's lying in the middle of the road, doing her Like-A-Virgin moves. This must be from about the same time as that one.

The Smiths - Stop Me if You've Heard This One - Why didn't I get into The Smiths back then?? I think the British factor scared me or something. If I had taken the time to listen I probably would have ended up all British-Punk or something. Think it's too late for me to go that route now? I am thinking about getting my belly button re-pierced. Does that count?

Kate Bush - Suspended in Gaffa. She's whacked. She's ethereal. She's manic. She's depressing. She's spooky. She's a little nuts? I loved her songs then and still do. Kind of summed up exactly how I felt most of my late teen years. You must check out her stuff if you get a chance. Oh, and in case you are wondering, gaffa is duct tape.

Depeche Mode - People are People. Love them. Love their songs. Loved using them in college as a soundtrack while we...nevermind. It's got a great bass beat.

Hi Ladies from Babies and Beyond!

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Halloween Bowling

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The 300 Mile Haircut

I went and got a haircut on Saturday. It is a good cut. Ken and the girls came with me. We left the house at eleven in the moring and returned a little after nine at night.

You see, I have a lot of hair on my head. A LOT. Sometimes I do very silly things, like letting the teenagers at Supercuts cut my hair. On rare occasions, this works out okay, and I get lulled into a false sense of security. Then I run into girls like the last one who cut my hair. One side was about an inch and a half longer than the other, and I had the kind of layers that one usually has to travel to, well, a beauty school dropout to find.

So on Saturday morning I got online, found the number and called Vidal Sassoon in NYC. I've had cuts at VS in Chicago, Miami, New York, Atlanta, and Beverly Hills. I've never had a bad cut. Yes, it costs about ten times what a Supercuts cut costs, but it's worth it. REALLY.

We live about 125 miles from Manhattan. We took 84 across, and found our way across the Triboro bridge. Even though people who know better than we do recommended that we take the train after driving to New Haven, instead we forked over thirty bucks to park on 58th street.

Vidal Sassoon has two locations in Manhattan, very close to each other. I had an appointment at the Crown Building location. Audrey came up with me while Lauren and Ken spent a couple of hours by themselves.

Ken and Lauren went to Central Park (right around the corner), saw some of the animals at the zoo, and watched some street dancers. Then Lauren begged Dad to go see Trump Tower (across the street) and he finally gave in and took her over. They sat in the lobby for a little while. Ken says that there were lots of production-type people roaming around.

Audrey had a fabulous time at Vidal Sassoon. They told us that they don't usually get kids up there, and I believe them. What kid can be expected to wait patiently for 2 hours while mom or dad gets a haircut?? MINE. That's who. She danced with the shampoo girls. She got told how beautiful she is by everyone. She looked through the magazines. She ordered juice and biscotti!
I turned the camera over to Audrey, who took a picture out the window......and one of me getting my hair cut by Lai. Don't you love his leather scissors holster?

Two hours and a chunk of change later I was cut, dried, flat-ironed, and ready to go. It's a great cut.

We went and had dinner at Topaz on 56th. Topaz is my favorite Thai restaurant. I used to live across the street from there several years ago. The girls got the royal treatment from the waiters, and we all ate lots and lots of noodles.

We picked up our car at about 6 p.m., and finally made it home about two and a half hours later. It was a really fun day. We plan to go back soon, but next time we will drive to New Haven and take the train. The traffic wasn't bad, but it's a pain in the neck to be on the road that long when you are tired.